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Thursday 29 October 2020
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‘Velocipastor’ review

The Velocipastor (2019) Director: Brendan Steere Performers: Greg Cohan, Alyssa lyssa Kempinski, Aurelio Voltaire, and Fernando Pacheco De Castro When young priest Doug Jones (Greg Cohan) witnesses his parents’ deaths, he begins to question his faith. On a mission of self-discovery, he travels to China only to encounter an ancient artifact that gives him a spectacular superpower: the ability to shift into a Velociraptor when angry. Now even more conflicted, he embarks on a quest to live with his powers. Little does he know that a mysterious band of ninjas are trailing his every move.  

Warning: Spoilers ahead! The Velocipastor is the kind of movie you come across every so often that revels in B-movie humor and over-the top situations for maximum hilarity. It doesn’t take itself seriously, and it’s a hilarious romp through dark humor as Doug becomes a Velociraptor vigilante, deals with his coworker Father Stewart (Fernando Pacheco De Castro) believing he’s possessed by a demon, encounters a disastrous exorcism attempt by Altair (Aurelio Voltaire) and battles ninjas with a romance in the middle of it all. The effects are hilariously low budget, think using a medical exam chair from a doctor’s office instead of an actual hospital bed, and the gore even more so. But this is what gives it charm.

If you’re a fan of movies like Jesus Christ: Vampire  Hunter (2001), you’ll enjoy this one a lot. It has similar themes and quotable lines with some bizarre situations that made me laugh aloud. It’s not a clever social commentary like Young Frankenstein (1974) or a gore humor like Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995). 

The positive about this approach is that the film makes so many tongue-in-cheek choices that even elements that may seem like problems can be explained away as directorial choices. It’s a fun movie, but it’s targeting a very specific demographic.  The Velocipastor is now available on digital and DVD as of August 13th. 

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